Okay, so I know I just stepped on all the maternal toes reading this currently, but please follow along so that you can be sure to keep the care giver you love, and not put him/her in the position that they want to quit. I also want to state that my examples are not pointed to anyone in particular, but taken from stories that I and other caregivers have experienced.
Your In Home Care Provider
Your caregiver may or may not be licensed by the state, but either way still have to abide by certain state regulations. These regulations are different in every state, but here in MO where I am it is against the law to care for more than four children in my home at anyone time. There are few exceptions to this rule, one being that related children do not count, but this rule is pretty firm. If I was licensed I could have more children but the cost to be licensed doesn't make it financially possible for most people. For me licensing would require building a third bathroom, adding on to my daycare room, and fencing in my entire yard (fencing in just the 700sq ft the state requires would reduce my property value leaving the only option to fence in the entire 3 acres with a specific fencing type). That is an expensive project, and I would also be required to purchase certain types of toys and create different stations for play and discovery which could be quite costly. So I choose to be unlicensed. The average cost for care in my area is $100 a week for full time children, and the goal is to be full. I am not state licensed, but I am state registered, which means I have paid the state to do a background check on me, and any adult who lives or frequents my house during care times. I have paid for finger printing and a medical exam. Being registered means I can give care to children who's parents qualify for assisted care services, which means not only do I have to wait for my once a month payment from the state, I have added a lot of paperwork to my job. I do this by choice, but it is to help people out and there is a need. The state also does not pay my rate, they pay theirs, which is less than what I charge by $5 a day.
I am not a babysitter, I play with your children, I do activities with your children, teach them. Typically children that leave me going into kindergarten know the skills they need and that they would learn in a traditional preschool program. I potty train, feed and love your children as if they are my own. In home daycares offer the comfort of a home with one on one attention, and the families start to feel like part of your family. I love my job, and rarely consider it work, but it is also how I help my family financially.
So What's The Problem
Caregivers typically have policies to protect your children as well as themselves, and those policies are often ignored. Parent's take advantage of the fact that they are dealing with an individual rather than a business quite often. This puts the caregiver in a bad spot, because he/she considers you family and always wants to help you out. There are ways you can help bitterness and frustration from being an issue.
When your child is sick, leave them at home/pick them up. I realize employers frown upon you calling off or leaving early, but you will have to miss work if your caregiver gets sick. Other parents also get upset when they have to miss because another child passed on the illness to theirs, but they blame the caregiver, sometimes even yelling and being abusive.
If your child catches something from another child at your caregiver's home, don't get mad at the caregiver. They didn't want it to happen, they feel bad about it, but they didn't do it or cause it. When they start actual school, they will be exposed to much more, be prepared, it is nothing to get mad over, kids get sick.
Most caregivers have a discipline policy, and as precious as your child is, they are not perfect no matter what they may have you think. Respect this, if your child went to time out or lost a privilege, there is no point in arguing and getting mad, your child probably earned the discipline. I am not talking physical, physical punishment other than a "bear hug" with violent or out of control children is illegal and not to be tolerated. If you have a question about it discipline, ask always, but don't get mad, find out what happened from the caregiver, 9 times out of ten there is miscommunication or the child just wasn't happy with the punishment they received.
Find out what your caregiver's policy is on everything before they even start, so you know if you agree with it or not. There is never a reason to get upset over these issues if you are aware of them upfront.
We are not in it for the money
The number one reason caregivers quit is because they are losing money by caring for your children. If and when I am full I make about $400, and that seems like a great wage, but let me break up how it gets spent for you on a monthly basis using averages for my area and low household expenses which in my case is more than the example. I don't know how a single parent or even a single person could afford to be a caregiver.
Right off the top we have to take off 20% min for taxes, that's right we have to pay taxes, even on the cash you give us.
Monthly income $1600
minus taxes ($320) $1280
Rent/home ($700)$580
Insurances/Utilities ($400) $180
that leaves $180 to feed their family and your kids as well as keep them active for the month. Not quite enough is it. And these are low compared to averages and doesn't allow for extras like cable, Internet etc.
As you can see it isn't much money to be making and thank God my husband has a good job that allows me to be able to do what I love. You can understand that I love my job and it is much more important to me than the money, but there is a problem.
I will never understand this, why is not paying your caregiver even an option. This person is taking over for you because you can't be there, do they not deserve to be compensated? I can understand the occasional late pay, but the person caring for your child should be priority over a weekend camping trip to the lake with your boat (that trip costs more than your care bill). OK that was directed to one person.
Don't badmouth a caregiver that won't take your part time child. As I said before the goal is to be full, in order to give your child the best they deserve, I need to be full. Part time children who only come on specific days of the week are usually accepted at a daily rate because the care giver can most likely fill the days your child is not there with other children. When your days are not set, the caregiver is limited financially and as much as she loves children that has to be thought of. I personally will except children with scattered schedules, but I do it at a higher rate (typically full time) because otherwise I can't provide. And once again the money you pay doesn't all go in my pocket. I typically spend $400+ a month to feed and keep your children active and have hands on learning experience.
Why Did She Quit
I use myself a lot as an example of how things are, but I am not quitting what I do, not yet anyway. I have been blessed that most of my parents have been amazing, but I have had a few and a few potential families that have been a cause of amazing amounts of stress for me. I know many great talented people who stepped away from being caregivers, because of the reason's above. Imagine if you went to work and you are a supervisor of a fast food restaurant and one of your employees was being abusive to another and when you dealt with the issue your boss screamed at you because they know that employee would just never do that, and your CEO screams at you because you let an employee be victimized, but you handled the situation as you policy demands. Imagine in that same company, not getting your pay check till a week late or having days missing because the company was having financial problems. How long would you stay with that job? Imagine you loved it dearly? You might hang on for a while, but for how long. People always being angry with you for things you can't control, things they also would not be able to control. Not getting paid when it's your pay day? You wouldn't be able to hang on too long in that environment, but that is the life of an in home care provider. They do it by choice and they do it because they love your precious children. If you trust them with your most precious gifts, treat them like you want to be treated by your employer.
DISCLAIMER:
I am completely aware that there are some really horrible caregivers, We as a family have been victim to more than one at my child's expense. Most Caregiver's and teacher's will tell you if asked that one of their greatest difficulty in their job is dealing with parents, and rightly so. As a parent, you are your child's first and #1 advocate, but it is important to know that the people on your team helping you with the upbringing of your children (caregivers teachers etc.) are also advocating for your child and want the best for them, and proper communication at all times, will provide the results you want as well.
